Chuck Norris is a turtle

How is Chuck Norris, he of kick-ass, really bad chop socky movie fame, a turtle, you may ask?

I provide you with an answer, courtesy of Huffington Post and Chris Kelly

Now, I enjoy misogyny as much as the next guy. I was in a fraternity. So Chuck Norris can imply whatever he wants about theoretical women in general, and how they’ll have all the abortions they possibly can, if they’re just lying around. And what rankles me isn’t that — to get at women in general — he’s taking a casual dump on the Mother of Our Savior. What bothers me is that Chuck Norris is a board member of The National Council on Bible Curriculum in Public Schools and he understands the Bible like a turtle humping a shoe.

You can’t use Mary as an example of a woman considering an abortion, because the Mary that could make the mistake of aborting our Savior wouldn’t be Mary. And if she weren’t Mary, Theotokos, immaculate treasure of virginity, spiritual paradise of the second Adam, then Jesus wouldn’t be Jesus. She’d just be a woman, and he’d be a lunatic. It’s an analogy that isn’t just ignorant; it’s actually blasphemous.

That is one of the finest visual images I’ve ever read.

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